Endings and Beginnings
by 10 of Spades
Summary: The Soldier hated Bucky Barnes. And Bucky Barnes hated The Soldier.


The Soldier hated Bucky Barnes. Just the mention of his name made a surge of red-hot rage flow through his body, and sparks of frustration crackle in his mind. The words _war-hero_ and _martyr _made him want to cringe. The mention of trains and tragedy made him want to gag. The sight of the man with the clean-shaven face and short hair in that blue uniform made him want to claw his own face off. The thought of Brooklyn made him want to destroy the place. It wasn't fair that a man who should have been long dead was now taking control of The Soldier's missions.

And he was dead, almost. Bucky Barnes had remained only in the farthest, smallest corner of The Soldier's mind, rarely active, simply existing, not truly alive. He had not even known that there was something there, let alone that it was another person. Until the bridge.

It had happened so quickly: the name, the man, the failure. It was when Bucky had made his appearance, surfacing and protesting the new conscious that had settled in his body while he was gone. And for the first time, The Soldier realized that he was not born into the greatest work of the last century. He had been living in a home that belonged to another person.

And he hated it.

The Soldier never struggled, much less against a dead man who didn't have the strength to hold on. The other man had his chance at life, and he had let go. Bucky Barnes didn't deserve a second chance. The Soldier was his second chance; at least the body was being put to use. But still, The Soldier had himself thrown away from the steering wheel time and time again, the other person grasping control, and destroying everything that was right.

But the Soldier was righted, and the pain eradicated Bucky Barnes back to the deep dark corner, unable to retain a memory, much less act on it. And the Soldier didn't need remember the other man either. So the leaders took away that memory, for his own good. But he remembered something. The feeling of helplessness. That made him hate, and hatred made him feel, and feeling made him hate, and everything spiraled downward, all because of another soldier, a fake.

The Soldier was meant to be a machine, a weapon, not quite a person, but not quite a drone either. He was not created to take much emotion, especially something so strong and intense as the hatred. Hatred turned to rage. The Soldier couldn't understand why he felt that. So rage turned to confusion. The Soldier didn't like being kept in the dark. So confusion turned to frustration. And frustration turned into a weakness.

Weakness would not be tolerated, but The Soldier didn't know what a weakness was. That was never taught. He was only taught to be strong, and didn't know what to do with a chink in his armor. So he ignored it. So the weakness became a downfall.

The mission should have helped. Should have, if it wasn't for the man. It was the same one that had first taken Bucky by the arm and dragged him out the abyss, facing him off against The Soldier. The man did it a second time too. Only this time there were no leaders to stop the other man from attacking him.

The hatred found its target. The rage found its purpose. The confusion found its answer. The frustration found its victim. The weakness found the downfall, and made it inevitable.

The Soldier discovered that he couldn't hurt Bucky, because he was just a jumbled vortex of memories and pure unadulterated emotions. But he found that he could hurt the man who saved Bucky from disappearing.

And so he did.

The entire time The Soldier could hear Bucky screaming. The Soldier discovered that agony didn't have to come from a gun, or a punch, or a knife. He discovered that agony could come from the pain of a loved one. In that way, he was immune to agony, because The Soldier loved no one but himself. Bucky wasn't immune, because he loved the man that The Soldier hurt.

The Soldier discovered the feeling of revenge, and the feeling of relish. The revenge and relish helped the weakness make the downfall more obvious to Bucky. It was the moment when The Soldier had his chance to finally rid himself of the other man. But his victim kept fighting, though it was not with strength, because he had none left. It was with 10 words

Because I am with you 'til the end of the line.

Bucky Barnes hated The Soldier. Just the mention of his name made a surge of red-hot rage flow through his body, and sparks of frustration crackle in his mind. The words _assassin_ and _killer _made him want to cringe. The mention of victims and innocent deaths made him want to gag. The sight of the man with the gruff face and long hair in that black and silver uniform made him want to claw his own face off. The thought of Hydra made him want to destroy kill every member. It wasn't fair that a man who wouldn't have existed if it were not for Bucky was now destroying the only thing he had left.

The Soldier should not exist. Bucky was sure of it. When he had been torn away from his own mind and imprisoned in his own head without access to his own memory, he had watched as the emptiness had created a machine, not a person. It had grown like a parasite becoming a robotic thing that thought only of instructions and nothing else. Bucky had felt it as the new mind filled his new mind, pressing him against the walls, and almost obliterated what was left of him, crushing him. Until the bridge.

It had all happened so quickly: the man, the name, _the name_. It had given Bucky the opportunity to grasp a memory that had been stored and abandoned. He had a name. The man had called him so. And Bucky had snatched it up before The Soldier could notice, holding it close. And for the first time, he realized that he could take back what was his. It was his mind, his body. He had been useless for all those years, an eternity, when he could have fought.

And he hated it.

Bucky had never fought so hard, much less against someone who was not even a person to begin with. Whatever had control of his mind was a virus that did just enough to move and fight, but not enough to have any capacity for feeling. The drone that called itself The Soldier wasn't a person. Bucky was. So he fought, freeing himself for the first time, shoving away The Soldier to make way for himself, trying desperately to grasp the controls. And when he did, everything was right.

But the victory quickly crumbled, as his strength was sapped. The memories were not coming, and he had nothing left. The Soldier was still subdued, so the people who lead The Soldier threw away Bucky. He lost everything, back to the corner. No name. No power. No fight. The Soldier lost too, but it was something that he wanted to lose. But despite having no memories to hold onto, he remembered something. The feeling of power. And that made him hate, and that made him want, and the want made him hate, and everything reached a crescendo, because of The Soldier.

Bucky was to be a hero, not quite perfect, but not a villain. He was not made to take on something so intensely terrible as the hatred. Hatred turned to rage. Bucky couldn't understand why he was rejecting those feelings. Rage turned to confusion. Bucky wanted to have answers. Confusion turned to frustration. And his frustration turned into motivation.

This type of motivation, motivated by hate was not right, but Bucky didn't care. He knew that it would make him strong, and he knew that he would need it to conquer The Soldier. So he held onto it. So the motivation became a victory.

The mission should have destroyed him. Should have, if it wasn't for the man. It was the same on that had first taken Bucky by the arm and dragged him out of the abyss, facing him off against The Soldier. The man did it a second time too. Only this time there were no leaders to stop him from attacking.

The hatred found its target. The rage found its purpose. The confusion found its answer. The frustration found its victim. The motivation found the victory and made it inevitable.

But as Bucky began remembering again, The Soldier discovered something. And that discovery was that The Soldier could hurt the only thing that Bucky now knew that he cared about. The man. Steve.

And so The Soldier hurt.

The entire time Bucky could hear himself screaming. He knew that agony could come from the pain of a loved one. And he felt it. In that way, The Soldier was immune to agony, because The Soldier loved no one but himself. Bucky wasn't immune, because he loved Steve Rodgers.

The Soldier discovered the feeling of revenge, and the feeling of relish. The revenge and relish helped the weakness make the downfall more obvious to Bucky. It was the moment when The Soldier had his chance to finally rid himself of Bucky. But Steve kept fighting, though it was not with strength, because he had none left. It was with 10 words

Because I'm with you 'til the end of the line.

The Soldier hated Bucky Barnes. And Bucky Barnes hated The Soldier. The mention of the other made a surge of red-hot rage flow through their body, and sparks of frustration crackle in their mind. The words associated with the other made them want to cringe. The mentions of the other's story made them want to gag. The sight of what the other had done to their appearance made them want to claw the face off. The thought of the other made them want to destroy.

Yes, it couldn't be denied that they hated each other. But there was a main reason, something that they shared, and something neither of them wanted to admit. Something that made each of them afraid, terrified. Something that fueled everything:

They couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

And so they each hated themselves.


End file.
